Black Tie’s

I attended the funeral of an acquaintance today which was a sad, sombre and joyous affair as we celebrated his life. Stories of wonderful times were told and everyone gave him a send off that none of those who attended will ever forget.

As I searched my wardrobe earlier in the week for my funeral attire I discovered yet again that my black tie was missing. I searched again, drawers, cupboards, wardrobe and under the bed. I have no idea why but it seems to be a law of the universe that if things go missing they usually end up under the bed. It wasn’t there although I did find a missing sock, a pen and a £2 coin.

I got my suitcases out with the winter clothes in, nope not there. I went to my stepmums and checked the case I had left. A myriad of coloured ties but no black tie and I was getting a little annoyed now. Why over a tie? Well it’s like this I have bought dozens of them over the years and all have disappeared. It’s as thought the dearly departed I went to send of took the ties with them.

Then I remembered my dad borrowed one, my three brothers also, one of them twice as he couldn’t find the first one I lent him. My friends borrowed them and finally the one I was looking for I remembered I had lent that one to my son. He remembered too that he had lent it to a friend.

When I enquired after said tie the friend of a friend of a friend had lent it to another friend who had lent it to a friend of a friend. The tie has had quite a time of it and become cosmopolitan and quite possibly bohemian in the process. It has been to several cities in the UK and in Europe and was last seen in Australia and now possibly on it’s way to Uganda.

So next time your looking for your black tie and it’s mysteriously disappeared just think of the adventures it could be experiencing at that very moment. It sort of put life and death and the universe into perspective something our departed acquaintance would have laughed at.

Black Funeral Tie

Where is the tie now?


Guess Who’s Dead?

A 107 people world wide die every minute that’s who and that’s a lot of people so the chances of you knowing someone who has died in the past few months is reasonably high. Certainly higher than the chance of you winning the lottery this or any other week. So what’s the point of this week’s blog apart from a useless fact that is? Were you aware that last week was dying matters awareness week? No? Neither was I.

That got me to thinking that most people are still uncomfortable talking about death or the impending death of someone they know. Friends who called around or rang all the time disappear off the face of the Earth as though they had died out of sympathy. It’s not that they don’t care often it is the fact that they care so much which keeps them away. They are embarrassed partly because there is nothing they can do and partly because they are not sure if they should talk about “it” or not. Hoping that if they don’t talk about “it”, it will just go away and everything will be alright. If only everything in life and death were so simple.

In fact many people find it hard to talk to loved ones or family about death only sex is higher on the list of taboo topics with loved ones. But here’s the crazy thing it costs money ( no will exists ), gives angst and grief to those left behind and of course no one knows your wishes. For example how you might want certain care at the end of your life you might wish to die at home or in a hospice. You may want to donate your organs or leave some money to your favourite charity. It is highly probable that none of these will happen unless you talk to your family about it.

The second thought that occurred to me is that I myself have reached that age where grandparents are a memory (apart from nana still going strong at 93). My mother died of cancer a few years ago as did her mother and sister and both my wife’s grandfather’s died a couple of years earlier. The grim reaper is still having his fun with us as friends, colleagues and other’s we have known who made a difference to our lives have shuffled off this mortal coil.

With each passing of a person I have known and cared about I grieve but I wonder if I am becoming comfortable and familiar with death? I used to fear it but now it’s a constant in my life it comes around almost more often than having to empty the bins. I am not being callous here just stating a fact that I am more stoic around death than I used to be more accepting that it’s here to stay and will claim me one day (not to soon I hasten to add).

The Dying Matters Awareness Week campaign states it is working to ease the pain of bereavement and terminal illness. You can support that by going to see or ringing family and friends in this situation. If your worried about appearing foolish or don’t know what to speak about then ask the person do they want to talk about “it”. Some do and some don’t be guided by them listen to what they are saying and go with the flow of the conversation. If they want to talk about it ask them have they made all the necessary arrangements. You will feel much better for having done this and so will they. The website Dying Matters has lots more information.

Finally to boost your spirits here are a few more facts about death that will make you smile. Courtesy of William Hartston at the Daily Express.

• In 2008 the mayor of Sarpourenx in France banned villagers from dying and threatened severe punishments to offenders. Apparently the cemetery was too full

• William Gladstone and Dr Barnardo are the only people whose coffins have travelled on London’s tube trains.

• Meanwhile back in France in 1928 French golfers voted to sentence a blackbird to death for stealing dozens of golf balls from the Saint-Germain golf course near Paris

• Finally in Bhutan it is considered unlucky to die at the age of 81, why I don’t know but I’ll leave you to research that one yourselves.